april wise-fools

Just within the last three days, the world has started to feel like spring. And, yes, so maybe it did snow in Boulder yesterday, but I am in Durango for a hot second, and it is gentle blue morning skies over here.

In March, I welcomed back Rainbow from Patagonia, threw a birthday party/miracle berry tasting, turned 26, braved a blizzard to volunteer at Frozen Dead Guy Days, hacked at dead flower stalks at the Lyon's Farmette, spent two weeks cracking open my brain and pouring permaculture all over it at a Permaculture Design Course, and moved twice.

Permaculture is a way of designing-- gardens, farms, cities, communities-- that takes into account healing the earth, being self-sufficient, and sharing the surplus. It is about innovation, starting slow and small, and creating a place that is green and beautiful where you would all want to live. It encourages hammock-time and exploration and abundance.

Coming up next: gardening intern in a co-housing community, where it seems as though I may be the only twenty-something, medical training refresher, conference/party in Wyoming, quick trip to the PNW to lead a trip for Lakeside School, Catering, Landscaping, NOLS, and as much Rainbow time as I can fill in.

return to colorado

1 very expensive vanilla matcha green tea latte in exchange for internet and a wonderful view of the flatirons.
A visit to the storage unit today, and a bit more organizing and settling in. Especially need to rearrange my camping cooking and food storage boxes, in preparation for a trip up to the Swan Valley in MT to learn how to cross country ski and help finish a tiny house on a trailer. Spoon carving and sanding, some new burly boot breaking in, and yoga at four-o-clock. I'm dedicating my life to yoga this week. That's how I say it in my head, at least. "I'm dedicating my life to yoga"

I looked at my bank balance this morning and almost didn't get out of bed. Somehow the last three days have been much much more expensive than I expected, and that doesn't even include the deposit for the permaculture certificate.

Despite all my distrust and ambivalence around my relationship-in-the-making, these last few weeks I've been feeling slightly giddy and optimistic. Been getting sweet little messages about tactics and dulce de leche crossaints, and this month+ apart seems very different from the last one. Even though nothing is official, I'm exciting for some upcoming adventures in March, as well as just hanging out.

The work scene is still a source of upset and worry. It is partly because of money, but also I just like to have purpose in life, and work has always been my way to meet people and stretch myself.

Wednesday

Purchased: Neo-Air All Season and pack liner/inflator bag/camp stool converter. And a smart wool shirt from the thrift store for $3! And some crispy grapes. And some delightful drinks to mix in with my housewarming bottle of spiced rum.

Accomplished: Applied online to one office job, and four boulder area caterers. Applied in person to two spice shops, the GoLite store, Moosejaw, and the Herbal Apothecary, but they only hire certified herbalists, but I can apprentice with them for lots of free training.

Caught up on some email. Showered. Drank a liter of coconut water.

new years. and cheap neon nail polish

I have painted my fingernails for the first time in three years. It does not look good. But I am going to try to break my nail biting habit once again. Sort of a new years resolution. Other things I have been thinking about: wearing makeup, choosing to wear clothes that make me feel good. I have realized that I enjoying looking cute, and I want to continue to build up my self confidence. Be brave, take chances, find courage (heart-knowledge). Learn a new skill, something tangible and satisfying. Build muscles, especially core strength. Cultivate patience.

Wish list

One large bag of salted shelled pistachios.
11-inch Macbook Air.
ENO doublenest hammock.
Salmon jerky and Sea kayak lessons.
Love and adventure that is healthy, surprising, and exciting.
New backpacking backpack.
Work that is active and fulfilling.

I will be sending out lots of jars of tincture and salve this week. Obviously, I've been struggling along the path to good labels. I've been getting some good feedback on the products-- on this recent trip to Baja, I managed to cure my instructor's heat rash overnight, and I learned that my homemade deoderant is really only good for cool weather climates--it kept melting in the Baja heat.   

Winter Spice Body Scrub

Oat and Almond Cleansing Grains

Pinyon Pine Healing Salve

Sweet Dreams Spray

Love Tincture, Sleep Tincture, Woman Tincture, Allergy Tincture

Woman Tea and Man Tea

Precious Facial Oil

Sandalwood Cuticle Cream

Coconut and Cedarwood Deodorant

That's about all for right now. I'm still looking for my next home and community, still planning on leaving Durango and Open Sky at the New Year. Didn't get the job in the Southwest, but I know that the lady who did get it will do a fine job. Somewhere along the line I will re-cert my WFR, and hopefully visit with Laura and Sky, go home to Seattle for a short stay, maybe spend two weeks learning about Permaculture. I want to become a better sea kayaker--perhaps they need a volunteer in Baja, or maybe I can snag some lessons in Half Moon Bay, or travel to Alaska to camp on snowy beaches. Lakeside school might have a few weeks of work in the spring. If Chris Moeller walks off into the wilderness for a few months, I would go learn some primitive skills from him. Lots of possibility, just need to find a way to balance adventure and learning with humdrum expenses.

No title

There is a lesson in all of this.

I make plans, they don't work. I look forward to things, they don't happen. Work, love, life. Expectations are killing me.

seasons turning

I took a walk in backyard last week, and discovered a herd of horses, a stream full of trout, fresh bear tracks, a picnic shelter, a swimming hole, and a whole lot more to explore. 

More trips back and forth to Boulder--this time I am not the one driving. Going up for a wilderness therapy conference at Naropa College, will get to wear nice clothes, chat people up, hopefully learn something, and as a bonus, I will just happen to be around for Rainbow's birthday. I've really been enjoying my summer romance, and hope that it can continue past September.

I have decided to wrap up wilderness therapy in December, at least as my full time job. I have been searching for something to fill the spring time with, hopefully educational and not too expensive. Boulder seems to be drawing me north, and much of my research has been pulling me there. I could also see myself at a NOLS base, or sailing in the South Pacific. Yoga ashrams, permaculture certificates, herbalism courses, prereqs for grad school, working at a college, I'm open to ideas, Universe. Please send something my way.

Highs and Lows

Afternoon on Thursday. I am in Boulder. Rainbow is asleep, worn out from work. So I have his big shiny computer, and am fighting boredom. Free Kindle books are not calling my name at the moment, nor is working on the Open Sky resource binder. Got into an accident yesterday, my car is banged up. Getting it fixed sure throws a wrench into all of my plans--getting back to Durango, moving into my country house, getting to work. Also, bike stolen, and possibly a bout of e-coli fought, all in the past week. I am feeling much healthier now. Despite all of that, I love being up here and am having a very lovely time. Relaxing and adventurous all at once.

Saturday

Farmer's market bounty. Carrots, beans, apple, corn, green chile crossaint. Passed up 15 pound of nectarines for $15. Perfect for jam.

Cleaning house, carefully throwing things out, giving things away. Searching for my next landing pad.

Feeling tired, achy, never-full.

Looking forward to september, my favorite month.

A new Wait! Wait! comes out today.

Two poems (not by me)

Waiting
Raymond Carver

Left off the highway and
down the hill. At the
bottom, hang another left.
Keep bearing left. The road
will make a Y. Left again.
There's a creek on the left.
Keep going. Just before
the road ends, there'll be
another road. Take it
and no other. Otherwise,
your life will be ruined
forever. There's a log house
with a shake roof, on the left.
It's not that house. It's
the next house, just over
a rise. The house
where trees are laden with
fruit. Where phlox, forsythia
and marigold grow. It's
the house where the woman
stands in the doorway
wearing sun in her hair. The one
who's been waiting
all this time.
The woman who loves you.
The one who can say,
"What's kept you?"

First Lesson
Philip Booth

Lie back, daughter, let your head
be tipped gently back in the cup of my hand.
Gently, and I will hold you. Spread
your arms wide, lie out on the stream
and look high at the gulls. A dead-
man's-float is face down. You will dive
and swim soon enough where this tidewater
ebbs to the sea. Daughter, believe
me, when you tire on the long thrash
to your island, lie up, and survive.
As you float now, where I held you
and let go, remember when fear
cramps your heart what I told you:
lie gently and wide to the light-year
stars, lie back, and the sea will hold you.

yarrow-bird herbs run down

I've got my salve all done, and have sold three jars, but on two of them, the postage was half as much as what I was charging. Five jars of face scrub, going to make a couple sample jars of body scrub (totally different) and over twenty tins of tea, in five types. I thought I would post a final accounting of the tea recipes and a general overview of the products.

Pine Sap Salve- Pinyon pine pitch, chapparal leaf, st. john's wort leaf, olive oil, beeswax, juniper essential oil. $5 small jar $8 large

Facial Cleansing Grains (face scrub/mask)- oats, almonds, rose petals, calendula petals, hibiscus, orange peel, clay, baking soda, essential oils. $10 large jar

Precious Facial Oil- Hemp seed oil, pumpkin seed oil, tamanu oil, olive oil, argan oil, rosehip seed oil, essential oils of niaouli, cedarwood, sweet orange, and lavender. $15 small bottle

Body Scrub- Coarse sea salt, olive oil, coconut oil, essential oils. $5 jar

Dream tea: encourages vivid dreams and restful sleep.
(mugwort, chamomile, lavender, carob, skullcap, valerian, hops, lemon balm, passionflower) $12 large tin

Summer tea: celebrate sunny days, stay healthy, purify skin and blood, and has a cooling effect.
(red clover, meadowsweet, elderberry, rosehip, hibiscus, stevia, lemon verbena, blackberry leaf, elder flower) $12 large tin

Autumn tea: build your health and strength to gear up for the dark days ahead, anti-inflammatory, balances the body as it transitions from summer to winter.
(yarrow, chickweed, holy basil, burdock, sage, peppermint, echinacea, eucalyptus) $12 large tin

Woman tea: to nourish your inner warrior woman, encourage balanced energy, prevent UTIs, and lighten cramps.
(raspberry leaf, nettle, rose, chrysanthemum, spearmint, lady's mantle) $13 large tin

Man tea: to awaken your inner medicine man, help with digestion, heal bruises and sore muscles, and encourage quick thinking.
(clove, fennel, orange peel, licorice, oatstraw, cinnamon, ashwaganda, siberian gingseng, ginger, yohimbe, catuaba, muira puama, saw palmetto, gotu kola, stevia) $13 large tin

solos

Once every three to four weeks, our students are put out on "solos." The week starts out just as normal and the first day of expo we hike to the solo site. The next morning there is a ceremony to begin the process. The students are not told what is happening beforehand but many of them guess and speculation is fierce. During the ceremony we stand in a circle around a medicine wheel and call in the four directions. Each student has a pile of stones in front of them and will use these to encircle themselves, signifying separateness from the group and beginning the silence of solos. Often there will be a reading or some theme for solos will be introduced--self love, the wild self, messages from the earth, creating a community. This time it is music, and the reading is called They're Singing Your Song.

We sit down and run them through the nitty gritty rules of solos--clothes must stay on, don't fall asleep until you can see three stars, stay in your area, call your name if there is an emergency, continue to practice yoga and meditation. Then we spread the students out and one by one lead them blindfolded to their sites. For each student I lug a five gallon cube of water out to them. My fingers are swollen and throbbing by the time we get to student #6.

Every two hours we do a round, checking in on each student. We give meds, check feet, dispense bug/sun/tooth/1st aid supplies, wash their hands, act as a lending library, work on fire kits, and encourage them to drink water. In between rounds we carve spoons, do paperwork, read aloud, cook dinner for everyone, journal, sleep, dream, and worry about the huge plume of smoke on the southern horizon. We call in on the satellite phone and our boss tells us it is 20 miles away, not to worry. We worry. And watch the helicopters zoom to and fro, listen to the distant sounds of chainsaws, wake up at 2:30 am to see the pink glow of the backburn on the ridgeline across from us. It is blazing hot and there is a steady breeze. No rain in over a month. We are all on fire ban. Walking rounds, it feels as though you have been shoved into an oven. 


The girls as well as guides are battling bugs--the cedar gnats are far worse than the mosquitoes. No amount of bug dope seems to help. I am covered in bleeding sores, dirt, sunburn, and sweat. It is not my best look. 


Solos will last 2 or 3 nights. On the morning of the last day, we take all of their p-time (books, paper, pens) to force them to sit with themselves without distraction. For some, the boredom is unendurable. We will close the solos again with ceremony, each girl removing their rock circle and returning it to the whole. They will share their experience, and then we will plunge back into the routine--showers, laundry, deep clean, and chores, therapist meetings, letters from home, tears and shrieks of laughter, a group together once more.

packages

4 packages of tea tree facial wipes
2 bottles of peppermint spirits, for cooling the body
leather
notebook
ultraslim kitchen scale
old photo of three dudes and their car, stuck in the mud
druidcraft tarot deck and tarot books
bottles, jars, and tins
a shirt and dress from the Pike Place Market
a wonderful note from Jessica Fuller, who is off to her first NOLS course in Scandanavia!

off shifts

red itchy eyes, huckleberry beer, 10 cent books, zia burrito, sewing lessons, clean room, 10 dollar couch, picnic lunch, 8 mile hike, hotsprings, sunburn, plane tickets, postcards, arborwear pants, bike rides, sushi bowl, jonathan, nate, rainbow, dan, caroline.

more revisions

Woman
1: uva ursi, stevia, elderflower, hibiscus
2: oatstraw, lady's mantle, lemon balm, ginger
3: raspberry leaf, nettle, rose, crysthanthemum

Summer
1: calendula, stevia, spearmint, meadowsweet
2: sage, elderberry, yarrow, orange peel
3: red clover, tulsi, blackberry leaf, lemon verbena

a very rough draft

again

Revised recipes

Summer Tea:
1 Part: Stevia, yerba santa, meadowsweet, elder flower, linden, spearmint, orange peel

2 parts: Calendula, rosehip, sage, peppermint, lemongrass, elderberry

3 parts: red clover, roobis, tulsi

Woman Tea:

1 part: uva ursi, stevia, burdock

2 parts: lemongrass, ginger, spearmint, lemon balm, lemon verbena, oatstraw, alfalfa, lemon peel

3 parts: rose, nettle, chrysthanthemum, raspberry leaf, hibiscus

To be re-tested...

testing

Man tea and Dream tea pass the taste test but I need to up the flavor on the other two. Tweaking the recipes...

cup of tea

Today i went down to the farmer's market and bought cheese and radishes. The sky was threatening a storm, but it is holding off for the moment. I bought a change jar and a dress and a pillow form from the thrift store. We bought beautiful fabric in Guatemala to make pillowcases, and now I finally have a working sewing machine. Stopped into Dancing Willow herbs to buy what seemed like 800 small baggies of herbs. Today was sample making day, and I have rough drafts of my four teas that I want to try out on people. Man tea, Woman tea, Summer tea, Dream tea. Here are the current mixes:

Man tea: to awaken your inner medicine man, help with digestion, heal bruises and sore muscles, and encourage quick thinking.

1 part of each: yohimbe bark, muira puama bark, cinnamon, clove, fennel, stevia

2 parts of each: eleuthero, orange peel, ashwaganda, ginger, saw palmetto, gotu kola, licorice

3 parts: oat straw

Woman tea: to nourish your inner warrior woman, encourage balanced energy, prevent UTIs, and lighten cramps.

1 part: uva ursi, stevia

2 parts each: hibiscus, lemon verbena, oatstraw, alfalfa, lemon peel

3 parts each: rose, nettle, chrysthanthemum, raspberry leaf

Summer tea: celebrate summer, stay healthy, purify skin and blood, and has a cooling effect. Makes great iced tea.

1 part: stevia, yerba santa, sage, elderflower, linden

2 parts each: calendula, rosehip, meadowsweet, peppermint, lemongrass

3 parts each: red clover, rooibos, tulsi 

Dream tea: encourages vivid dreams and restful sleep.

1 part: hops, carob

2 parts each: lemon balm, passion flower, skullcap, lavender

3 parts each: chamomile, mugwort

Daydreaming during the faculty summit

Allie's summer camp. Flat open meadow, forested edges, gentle hill. Butted up to mountains. Beach? Could be happy with a lake. Big garden with garden house, kitchen and open eating area. Teepees, yurts, timber frame lodge with big porch. Boat barns and storage sheds. Outfitting room. Cob/bale staff housing. Library/natural history museum with inviting hammocks. Office. Crafting and workshop. Chickens and ducks. Parking lot and auto bay. One green field for games. A great gathering place/ fire ring. Goals? Activities? Off season? Ages? 4 weeks of trad camp, 4 weeks of trips with older students. Family camp/ bushcraft/ weddings/ herbalism/ building projects. Canoes in the cascades/hiking/top roping/sea kayak in the salt water. baby sailboats on the lake? Formal classes and school credit/ artisan getaways. Cabin groups of 6-8 2 groups of each age grouping, about 100 kids max. Interns Tripping program juniors and seniors. Create gear/ prep/ team build. 4 trips, 8 kids, mixed gender. 1 sea kayak, 2 hike/rock. 1 canoe. 2 staff each. 2 weeks of actual expedition. Time before and after. Closing with sharing of stories, songs, dramatic reenactments. Goals: self awareness connection to nature, teambuilding. EMT team instead of camp nurse. With wilderness therapy background? Aim for useful crafts-can make sandals, hats, candles. Sweatlodge or sauna. Strong ceremonies/traditions. lol NOLS prepatory academy. Winter time-free housing for intentional community. Work trade. Big grant? Poetry, song, art, stories. Natural history, natural awareness, tracking. Semester program? They could plant the garden for the summer. Tech savvy?