everybody loves saturday night

I dropped off a load of clothing at Goodwill today, and then managed to limit myself to only returning home with three new items of clothing. All are super cool finds: a green raincoat from REI from the 80's with the old logo, and it was only a dollar! also: a silk/wool/nylon blend sweater that is lightweight and soft and fits nicely, and then the final item is an early 90's down jacket from Columbia that is reversible (pink to aqua). I like to enough to wear it, but more likely I will use the down for a summer sleeping quilt in a future gear project.

Then it was off to the Book Exchange, where I turned in some books, and got a few back in return, and I still have nine dollars in credit for a future book-emergency. In other book related news, I love finding strange old books in our musty, airless library here on campus, and over the break I picked up Echoes of Puget Sound which was incredibly charming and kind of a cross between Anne of Green Gables and The Good Rain. My new goal is to make my parents read this book.

Final stop was a Joanie's House of Crap, as it is lovingly known amongst the costumer's in the drama department, more formally called Joanne's. I bought batting to finish off my quilt and was disappointed to find out that they have no mosquito netting of any kind, so I can't finish off my bivy sack with the rest of my outdoor fabrics. I will have to wait or buy it online.

I'm listening to Wait Wait! now, Carrie Fisher is the guest star.

friday blues

I did not do much today. Spent a lot of time in bed listening to a book on tape and getting free samples. I had to switch my WFR class to May, which means that spring break will be horribly empty, the first without a boy or an adventure. It also means that I will have to find a couch to crash on for a week and a half after I move out of 72o Evans that is near the place the class will happen. Problem after problem. Restocked my kit and made a batch of trail mix and didn't go climbing as I planned. Hopefully Monday. That is all. Meh.

still a-hurting

i'm just fine until i have to spend time around him. or i see pictures of him and his best friend/ex girlfriend, who he still has feelings for, together newly posted on facebook, and comments like, "who's the hunk" written on her facebook page. and then i just feel completely off balance and bitter and used. it might not be so bad if he actually cared, or ever liked me, or felt remorse? i don't know. this drives me crazy. i just want it to go away.

view from the top

Tuesdays and thursdays are busy days for me, with one class right after the other. I do have a thirty minute break before Music of World's People, which for some strange and unknown reason is held in a grungy sort of room in the Chemistry building. I'd never been in chem before today, and actually had to look it up on the map. All of the science buildings sort of blend together in the corner of campus near my house, and I've only been in about half of them. But I was wandering around, waiting for my class to start, and so I climbed the stairs to the very top, where there is a landing, and then a large lab looking room beyond it. More importantly, at the landing at the top of the stairs was a very large window, with a half circle top, and it looked out over the Urey square and then across the oval, and it was kind of sunny and kind of snowing and everyone was out walking, and I was finally warm after being inside for ten minutes, and so I sat down in front of that window in a convienantly placed chair, and turned on my new/old ipod and listened to music for twenty minutes while eating a health food bar. It was extremely nice.

Bought the rest of my books. Rehearsal to-night, as always. Thinking of being lame and eating frozen chicken nuggets for dinner. With some leftover pasta. Oh, and some carrots. So it would be healthy.

late night, daffodil dress

well, my internet was working when I left. But now it’s asking for an encryption key, and I cannot connect. Nothing to do but cross fingers and hope that tomorrow it will magically be fixed. I left the party a little early, while I was still happy and the champagne was still fizzing in my veins and the presence of certain people was still not an issue. As the crowd started to thin out, it was a little harder to ignore, and I couldn’t keep following teralyn around. I was pleased with the show, and I will miss having jim sontag around. And I hope that I do very very well this semester and everyone is pleased with me and they hire me for next year’s tour, though if I do well it will mean that guys and dolls does well, which means that annie will have done well which means that they’d probably hire her. I don’t know. A carful of nice elderly theater patrons gave me a ride home, as I was planning on walking in my heels and bare legs and it is 15 degree and Hellgate windy and snowing. It was pleasant. They enjoyed the show as well. Tomorrow is busy, but not stressful. Everything after that though…we’ll see. oh, and i got a ton of compliments on my dress. it is a fun dress. yellow and twirly and vintage. not exactly a I'm desirable and don't you wish you still had me dress, but cute and different and i'm a carefree, vintage dress sort of libriaian sort of girl and I spread 50's joy around me. So that was a good choice. Portfolios were a mixed bag, mostly good, nothing terrible. If i were looking for work, I would have had about four offers, I think.

Quotable

If you're interested in cooking, you're also just naturally interested in art, in love and in culture.
(Madame Jehane Benoit, The Canadian, 1974)

brainstorming

I've gotsa to think of interesting issues to talk about for five minutes at portfolio reviews. I'm just bringing along my Merry Wives binder and calling script, which i have prettied up. My resume is done, at least until I can find a critical eye to help me. Oh, maybe I figured out how to convert it to pdf, so I can put it up here as a link? Hmm. No, I'm not quite advanced enough to do that. Interesting issues with MWW (with will sound boring to most): Michael didn't like my blocking style, changed way I did blocking, new technique. Dinner at the Garter Inn. Not having an ASM until late late late. Scrabbling for run crew and The Big Change and using actors. The set breaking before first tech. Getting sick. Making a ton of cuts during final tech. The high school matinee. Well, that's a start. Big. Senior. Project. Plus. Panel. Portfolio. Presentation. Not the makings for a pleasent weekend.

Education, experience, skills...don't go over one page!

How long have I been a blogger? I'm trying to decide what special skills are special enough to go on my new resume. It's driving me crazy. And I know they will hate it, since it is the first version and they've asked me to change so many things. ARGH. Portfolios.

keeping busy

I've made some rootbeer extract. Ingredients: birch bark, wintergreen, ginger root, dock root, cloves, sarsparilla. I had a good time at Butterfly Herbs. I've put up some fun stained glass, and spent some lazy, febreeze filled hours with Liz Goldie and Maddy. I've thrown away three garbage bags full of clothes and started making a second quilt. I still need to finish folding clothes in my room, but before I do that I really need to do laundry before the semester begins. I have packages coming to me. Vitamins, and gift-certificate clothes, and something that smells delicious.

second post

It is late, but my mother wanted to talk from St Louis, and so I am still up and thinking. I want to buy this piece of property in Kettle Falls, WA, and build a 20 x 20 foot cabin that is cool in summer and warm in winter. I finally gave up on the Chico's clothes, and bought a bunch of underwear and yoga clothing from their sister site, which is not as exciting as an orange suede jacket, but I am certain to wear it more often. I need to do some sort of clothing purge. Laura is in town, so maybe she can come look and decide if anything is hippie-dorable, so I won't feel such parting loss. I have plans to make some homemade rootbeer syrup in the near future. This has not felt like a very productive day, I am afraid.

weight of the world

I am listening to a birdsong CD. My goal is to listen to this cd all the semester until I have it memorized, and so be able to amaze my hiking partners with my bird identification skills. I am also trying to use a Chico's gift card that my aunt gave to me, but the website keeps freezing up halfway through checkout. I don't usually shop at Chico's, but I found a couple of really cute jackets that I want, that are on sale, and if the website doesn't cooperate, I will be kind of upset. One is orange suede. I made some stained glass windows today out of lighting gel samples, and read far to much of a blog written by a girl who built her own cabin at 17, and a sea kayak, and hiked trails, and in general is leading this unique and amazing and very full life. The Northwest Youth Corps lady called me today, and I am not calling her back, partially because I don't feel much like talking to anyone, and partly because I don't know if I want the job. I am nervous about making decisions.

nom nom

I am going grocery shopping. I had a midterm today. I went swimming today. I have to go to the bank. I am going climbing today.

I made this recipe on Saturday and it was delicious, even though I didn't thicken the sauce enough, and it didn't keep well in the fridge like real Chinese takeout is supposed to. This is quite an accomplishment, as I am terrified of popping, sizzling boiling oil.

Orange Chicken

Ingredients:

For the marinade and sauce:
1 ½ lbs. boneless skinless chicken thighs or breasts, cut into 1 ½” pieces
¾ cup low sodium chicken broth
¾ cup fresh squeezed orange juice
1 ½ tsp. grated orange zest
8 thin strips orange peel (optional)
6 tbsp. distilled white vinegar
¼ cup soy sauce
½ cup dark brown sugar
3 medium garlic cloves, minced
1 tbsp. fresh grated ginger
¼ tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tbsp. plus 2 tsp. cornstarch
2 tbsp. cold water

For coating and frying:
3 large egg whites
1 cup cornstarch
½ tsp. baking soda
¼ tsp. cayenne pepper
3 cups peanut oil (or canola oil)

Directions:

For the marinade and sauce, place the chicken in a Ziploc bag; set aside. In a large saucepan, combine the chicken broth, orange juice, zest, vinegar, soy sauce, brown sugar, garlic, ginger and cayenne pepper; whisk until the sugar is fully dissolved. Measure out ¾ cup of the mixture and pour it into the bag with the chicken; press out as much air as possible and seal the bag, making sure that all pieces are coated with the marinade. Refrigerate 30-60 minutes, but no longer. Bring the remaining mixture in the saucepan to a boil over high heat. In a small bowl, stir together the cornstarch and cold water; whisk the cornstarch mixture into the sauce. Simmer, stirring occasionally, until thick and translucent, about 1 minute. Off the heat, stir in the orange peel (if using); set the sauce aside.

For the coating, place the egg whites in a pie plate and beat with a fork until frothy. In a second pie plate, whisk together the cornstarch, baking soda and cayenne until combined. Drain the chicken in a colander or large mesh strainer; thoroughly pat the chicken dry with paper towels. Place half of the chicken pieces in the egg whites and turn to coat. Transfer the pieces to cornstarch mixture and coat thoroughly. Place the dredged chicken pieces on another plate or a baking sheet.

To fry the chicken, heat the oil in an 11- to 12-inch dutch oven or straight sided sauté pan with at least 3 qt. capacity over high heat until the oil reaches 350° on an instant read or deep fry thermometer. Carefully place half of the chicken in the oil; fry to golden brown, about 5 minutes, turning each piece with tongs halfway through cooking. Transfer to a paper towel lined plate. Return the oil to 350° and repeat with the remaining chicken.

To serve, reheat the sauce over medium heat until simmering, about 2 minutes. Add the chicken and gently toss until evenly coated and heated through. Serve immediately.

write it out

The feeling that some one will not miss you when you have left is a bad feeling. It suggests that you shared no part of yourself that was worthwhile, different, that you offered nothing that the other person wanted or needed.

The feeling that you yourself were an experiment for another person is also a bad feeling. It suggests that you are temporary and unimportant in the long term, as the other person attempts to consciously choose to exhibit different behaviors than they are comfortable with, simply to see what a "normal" college male is like.

The statement that the community in the place where I work and live and play considers me a "lost cause in the social realm," stings quite a bit. The idea that I was befriended specially because I was considered a social outcast is also an idea that is not pleasing. This goes back partially into being an experiment.

I do not enter into relationships lightly, and when I do, I try to leave things like uncertainty and doubt at the door, especially at the beginning. This becomes harder as time goes on and I get the feeling that the other person does not care to make such a commitment. I tend to ask myself some pretty simple questions, but for me, they are very important. Does this person make me happy? Do I like myself and how I act when I am around this person? Can I sit down and really talk with this person without too much awkwardness? Do I think that this person likes me?

I don't necessarily want to know that someone tried to act as respectfully as possible throughout our time together. This suggests that it was a conscious effort that needed to be made. Generally, people respect and like their friends freely and simply, without forethought or discomfort. Friends also generally don't view each other as onerous tasks that they are require to see too, and do not see compliments, small gifts, or other signs of affection as signs of commintment or serious deeper feelings, but rather of friendship.

Okay, I'm done.

good reading

I love this man, Timothy Egan. Love reading what he writes, to myself, out loud to the people I love, giving his books and essays as presents, or sending links to his column in the New York Times. Like this one.

PORT ANGELES, Wash. — A few days into the new year, I stood outside the house and stared into the darkness of a deep winter night at this far western edge of America – defiant on a bone-chilling eve.

It felt lonely and hypnotic here on the Olympic Peninsula, where a jut of land the size of Massachusetts holds an immensity of snow, surrounded on three sides by unknowable depths of gunmetal-gray salt water.

At this northern location, at a latitude equal to Newfoundland, it’s hard not to feel the seasonal blues in all their smothering inevitability. Because there were no big-city lights on the horizon, and clouds veiled a thin moon, the darkness had a particularly strong grip.

I wanted to get inside by the fire, to drink something strong, to eat something sweet, to find a bear’s den of deep sleep. If you live in the north, in places where the sun is an unreliable companion for many months, you can’t escape the urge to hide and hoard in winter.

But this year, I’ve decided to fight lethargy with logic, to welcome the new president, the babies just born, to see something other than closure, dormancy and loss in the annual dark season.

It’s tough, and perhaps absurd, to battle biological imperative. I crave light, pruning high up in the trees around my house to open more patches of sky, keeping the strings of Christmas luminescence hanging into January’s bleakness, checking the daily sunset tables for those few jumps of the clock that will hold back the curtain of night until 4:35 p.m., instead of 4:33.

the corps

Wow. Do I hate interviews. In general, I hate things that I am not skilled at, and even though I've had a lot of practice in the last four years, it has helped only incrementally in my interviewing prowess. It is also not good that the program I applied for is really challenging and hard and I don't know if I will enjoy it or if I would be miserable for the whole six weeks.Making these sorts of decisions seems to chop off all these other nebulous possibilities, that are kind of unreal and almost as scary. I don't know. I've gotta have some sort of future plan or I will be stuck moping around Missoula for the next how many years.

Mmm. Hungry. I feel like cooking, something kind of impressive, which I would then like to share with friends. The state of my kitchen is a slight problem. I could also clean up after last night, read some homework, something to keep me busy and not thinking about selling myself to strangers.

let it be

Things that I do not like: being late. Feeling trapped. Feeling invisible. Being hunted. Unavoidable awkward moments.

I cannot quite tell how things are going. Mostly good. But then there are weird moments of disconnect, and I being to doubt that things are sincere. I guess this is just paranoid Allie talking. My roommate should come home today, and I will do a quick sweep for last minute messy things, and give him his silly little alcoholic gift, and then I will show him the energy bill. Growl.

Maybe I will go back to bed. Checks to deposit and books to pick up and senior project papers to write and a future to worry about, and right now the only thing that sounds really appealing is curling up in the last spot of residual warmth and day dreaming for a few hours.

tick tock

I am back in Missoula, where there is real blue sky, and lots of snow. But at least here there is supposed to be snow. I am sitting in my living room, waiting. Waiting for a phone call, waiting for my roommate to get back, waiting for school to start, waiting for some motivation to clean the kitchen. My living room is bright and sunny and a little more decorated than last I was here. It calls for a game night, I think. We certainly have enough seating. I would like not to waste this whole weekend. Brr. I hate waiting for plans to form. My patience has run out on me. How to keep myself busy? I don't have anything that I can cook, nor money to spend, I guess I have a sewing project to work on, but that would involve making a mess of the nice clean spaces. So. Ideas?